"No one understood, it was like a foreign thing that they couldn't find solutions for"

 “Highschool felt like a lifetime, it was only three years but it felt like ten years, so graduate highschool felt so great . 

My highschool years were really hard for me because I have some problems with panic disorder, which I had a lot of in school. 

The teachers were really bad at understanding so they didn't understand why I wasn't able to  work the way they wanted me to.  No one understood, it was as if it was like a completely foreign thing that they didn't know how to fix solutions for. The teachers knew what to do with students who had adhd or dyslexia but with something that wasn't in the templates it was difficult for them to help me.  I had to do pretty much everything myself and i had to try to come up with my own solutions to be able to work and they didn't help me along the way. 

It was one of the hardest things in my life and still is, but school was the biggest place where I had the most difficulty. 

I was very disappointed in high school as it was something I had looked forward to. Luckily I had many supportive friends but  my panic attacks have been in situations that are hard to understand for others , if I would have it  on an  airplane it would be understandable to others why I would get it but I got it in environments that were seen as an unnatural thing, mostly in crowded places and classrooms. 

I've been talking about it but I've had it since I was twelve so it's so deep inside. Therefore, it's not  possible to fix over a day, but it has become much better.

 Between that age I also got some sad news that my grandpa had died, his death was very sudden and choking to me, we had a very good connection.  His death has been hard to deal with and I'm still dealing with it. I miss him a lot.  We didn't have the usual connection where you call each other everyday but we knew each other and had a different connection. We had a lot of fun together and he was of course, a big security for me.

 

 I still have panic attacks today but now I know in which situations I can get panic disorder so I try to avoid them, I have learned to deal with it. Now I have my own job which is very different but for me it feels great. Now I wake up and go to work and then I can just go home and be with my family. But i still have school on distance and online which is not as fun but i have to do it.  

I feel very proud of myself because i'm starting to grow up. I got my first check last month and at first I wanted to buy a lot of clothes but then I realised that I have to be responsible, this is money I need for my future. To grow up also makes me think about what I want to work with or more so what would be my dream job and that would have to be a fashion designer because i love fashion and clothes a lot.  It would be so great to be able to make my own clothes and see other people wear it and inspire others.”

- Emma