“I pushed myself so hard that in the end I couldn’t handle it”

 “Appreciate the time you have with people. My friend died from suicude last year. I was a top student but now I’m happy if I pass. My grades went down and my motivation went away. I was so sad. The only thing I wanted was to say my final goodbye. I wish that I knew she was going to take her life. She never talked about it. She always seemed so happy and now she’s gone. The first nights I cried myself to sleep but some weeks later it got better. I talked about it alot with my mom. It really helped and my friends were so supportive. Just when I was going back to school my mom called. She told me that her mom's sister died from cancer. She was one of the persons in my family I liked the most. She was like an adult best friend for me. We talked about most things. My heart went away. One death was hard to handle. Now there were two deaths I had to deal with. 

I think my biggest mistake was that I tried to get over it as fast as I could. When my friend died I let myself take the time I needed to heal. But the second time I just wanted to heal in a day. I tried to go to school after two days. It didn’t work. I couldn’t focus. My grades kept going down. But I never stopped pushing myself to school but everyday I felt like I was going to explode. One day it was too much. I couldn’t handle it anymore. I stopped going to school for a while and focused on healing myself. Like last time my mum helped me a lot. I talked a lot with her. I was with friends almost everyday. They helped me focus on myself and forget everything around me. Finally I started to feel better. I went back to school and my grades started to go up. Soon I was a top student again. 

In the future i want to study nature and i want to be a chemist. My goal is to help people and I want to find a cure to cancer so no one needs to go through the things I did go through. Cancer is horrible. No one should get that. Definitely not kids. If I don’t study nature or medicine I want to be a psychologist. Like my mom helped me I want to help others. I know how hard it can be to deal with deaths or just problems in your life and I want to help as much as I can. I have learned from my mistakes and now I always ask my friends how they feel and always make sure everyone is included. The last thing I want is that someone decides to take their own life because they felt left out”.