“It is what it is”

Since I was child I have never had a father, I live with two mothers and have done that all my life. I’ve heard all my life “how does it feel to not have a father?” and things like that. Only my nearest friends understand me and they don't talk about that anymore, only if I start to talk about it we can discuss the father situation I have, because they know that I am tired of hearing about it and they show me some respect. 

Today I am more confident with this and I do not approach myself in the same way as before. But sometimes I can not hold all the feelings inside myself, so sometimes I can start crying and sometimes be very angry. 

In the last year I got many new friends but I realise in this year that they were not real friends, because when something sad happens to me and when I need some support from my friend. I see that this new “friend” was not there for me and ignored me. Now, right now I just have my real best friends, these friends who support me and are there for me anytime.

This year has been both good and bad. It started good , I was happy and spent time with my friends. The school went well and I got out 8 grade with good grades. And the summer break has just started. In the beginning of the summer break I started to chat with a guy from Stockholm, who lives in Lidingö. Eventually we met, and I would say it was love at first sight. We call each other every day, we could talk for many many hours. And yea I realise very fast that this guy is so special and a nice person, and that it was too good to be true. And it was. When we just started to sleep with each other, I started to think that this could be something serious and I got hope. 

But I don't know, sometime between July and February he just BOOOM lost and dropped all his feelings and stopped texting me and he doesn’t answer my calls anymore. For no reason. 

In this time I also lost myself, but at the same time my real friends were there for me, and supported me. And today I appreciated that very very much.